Evening, readers. This post signifies the beginning of a new era; the beginning of something wonderful. It is my first full post at Armenian Fungus Cake. However, this is not about gargantuan grub, but about fast food.
My colleague and I were speaking of how various people order at a fast food establishment. In layman’s terms, a Mc***ald’s, Burger (Insert regency here), or other restaurants of that sort. More specifically, we spoke of how these habits correlate to various personalities in other aspects of life, outside of the all important fast food world. He pointed out that some are more aggressive, saying things like, “Give me,” or if they are feeling more Cesarian, “Render unto me,” a “quadruple double super-sized dodecahedronal fermented giraffe sandwich.” I concluded that these people had less time, were overtired, or were in general, kind of abrasive. I imagine that, if I was yearning to get to bed/work on time, I would be slightly more gruff to my ordering approach as well. I don’t have time to say, “May I get a triple decker herring shrubbery, please?” To be honest, this method bothers me the most. In my view, it broadcasts tendencies to be indecisive, uncannily polite (and not in a good way), and under-confident. Why wouldn’t your local moody high school dropout (fine, maybe they go to a vocational school) give you your food. At a fast food restaurant, chances are pretty slim that they won’t have it in stock. All they need to do is find some pigeons and felines to throw in a blender! They’re certainly not going to say no, just because they feel like saying no. If they say no, it’s probably your fault. If you want to be served, maybe you should stop going up to the counter/drive in window wearing roller skates and a baseball hat (with nothing else, of course).
Of course, however, there are the in between orderers. I fall into this category. Us in between-ers are more assertive about our ordering, but not in an antagonistic way. We say, “I would like,” or “I’ll have/get,” We are going to have/get the item we order, as we are not nude and wearing sporting equipment. We are the confident, but not cocky or violent. We say, “I’m going to offend vocational school attendees.” We don’t waffle, or use baseball bats to hurt people. And yes, we would like to order the thing we are ordering. Why would we be ordering it otherwise? Some may find this too brash. To that, I say, “I will have you put on some underwear and un-wheeled shoes. Hippy.” It may not be the nicest, but it feels the most appropriate. It’s not like these fast food people are your friends. Chances are, they won’t see you again. And if they do, and they have friends, put some clothes on!
Anyhow, I found how people order food profoundly interesting, and a fascinating yet fatty way to peer into the lives of the typical American. So, next time you order a thousand year tofu jumbo fries box, think, “What do my ordering choices say about me? And why am I naked?”