Several days ago, the Federal Bureau of Foreign Culinary Relations received an unsettling report. Intelligence obtained from a captured Zakuskaslav agent revealed the possibility that snack foods were being produced in Croatia by an entity other than Kraš. This required immediate investigation, since a culinary competitor could risk destabilizing the Croatian confection cartel.
After several painstaking minutes of research, we discovered a worrisome reference in an ancient tome of sugary lore: The Legend of Karolina. The legend spoke of a young girl who learned the dark art of pastry-making from a mysterious man who claimed to be her father. She then used this knowledge to produce tempting treats that would lure hapless victims away from the safety of Kraš and into the waiting jaws of an ancient twelve-eyed beast whose name contained 48 consonants and only two vowels.
Realizing the serious nature of this situation, the FBFCR rushed into action and combed the aisles of the local ethnic food market in search of this mythical morsel. As we searched through endless shelves of Kraš products, we suddenly glimpsed an unfamiliar face. It was Karolina herself, on a package of Jadro Wafers!
The package bore a Bowdlerized version of the Legend of Karolina:
Being a daughter of a renowned backer and confectioner, Karolina inherited her love and passion for making pastry when she was just a little girl. As a child, she spent every day with her father in the bakery, where she learned all the secrets of the art of making pastry. She later converted this tradition into today’s products and recipes. To the present day, the name Karolina stands for excellent products on the highest quality, carefully prepared according to traditional recipes.
That all makes it sound so nice and harmless. But with the delicate balance of the Croatian confection cartel hanging in the balance, the real legend (the one with the twelve-eyed beast) seemed like it could be coming true.
Unlike most Kraš wafers, these Karolina (not Kraš) Jadro Wafers were a combination of 2 flavors, and this lived up to the package’s proclamation of perfection. Just as foretold in the prophecy, Karolina (not Kraš) has produced a pastry that’s sure to compete with the established dreadnought of desserts (that would be Kraš). One can only hope that the consonant-clad monster remains a thing of legend.