Strange snacks and wacky weirdness

Shocking Popping Candy (Strawberry, Cola, Watermelon, and Greenapple–that’s actually how it’s spelled)

Das blut. Grüne und rote Blutkörperchen.

Good Day, Readers

Advertising is a hugely important aspect of society. It is what tells people what to do, whether they know it or not.

Sold your big toe to lose 88 pounds and eliminate debt? Blame advertising.

Started driving a Semi so your son could become your cousin’s daughter and star in Toddlers and Tiaras? Advertising gets the credit. Either way, many important life decisions, and many unimportant ones, are governed by advertising.

But what makes a good advertisement? Is it bright colors, or a silly name? What about comforting claims and offering scintillating services, like stating that a Chinese product is sold in Australia by a Singaporean distributorship?

Well, these are all true for Shocking Popping Candy, a Chinese version of a popular western candy called Pop Rocks. In fact, the advertising prowess demonstrated by this snack that sizzles when submerged in saliva is some of the most developed that I have seen, and I’ve spent the past several months around processed foods in packages. The advertising was so effective that I managed to acquire 4 separate bags of Shocking Popping Candy, each with its own flavor, in one shopping trip. I even tried to purchase flavors that were already in the cart. It was as if my mind was occupied by thoughts of Strawberry sizzle, Cola crackle, Watermelon wow factor, and Greenapple greatness!

As a former secret agent, my first thought was that these rather mundane popping candies were plots to see inside of the FBFCR/AFC mind in the form of off-brand Pop Rocks. But that couldn’t be true. In fact, there really hasn’t been any FBFCR/Soursop Conspiracy/East Mangoustani interaction in ages. The last time there was any threatening action to speak of was when the militant communists took over the website to write the M-150 article.

So, I quickly got the idea out of my head. But it doesn’t seem to leave.

“More Popping Candy, More Popping Candy,” it says. What could I know that anyone would access through Popping Candy, though. It simply does not make any sense! Sure, I know about the contents of Ledena, and the secret behing the Vast Soursop Conspiracy. I know the supreme leader of the Sovereign Thalassic Hegemony, but that can’t be really important, can it? But the buzzing increases. The popping effect is not supposed to stay for more than a week, is it? Maybe I should see someone.

It really is quite intense. Maybe I should have some more, to remedy the buzzing. They are so very appealing; so well advertised. I feel like Greenapple. Or do I need it? Do I do anything, or am I being controlled. Don’t be silly, of course I am. Not. Am. Stop talking to me. Stop talking to me. Ich bin ein Berliner! What? That doesn’t make sense! I’m not German, nor am I JFK! Just one more packet. They have such delightful shapes. Here we go. This should calm the nerves.

And down the pipe it goes. Good, now, to coninfdsignosi[gnosdnfidasigfdsffdngdsa

EVERYTHING FINE

EVERYTHING FINE

NOT WORRY

EVERYTHING FINE

DO NOT PANIC

PANIC BAD

EVERYTHING FINE

EVERYTHING FINE

EVERYTHING FINE

NOT WORRY

EVERYTHING FINE

DO NOT PANIC

PANIC BAD

EVERYTHING FINE

EVERYTHING FINE

EVERYTHING FINE

NOT WORRY

EVERYTHING FINE

H

DO NOT PANIC

E

PANIC BAD

EVERYTHING FINE

E

REGARDS

L

P

RN

2 comments on “Shocking Popping Candy (Strawberry, Cola, Watermelon, and Greenapple–that’s actually how it’s spelled)

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