Welcome to another episode of Amazing Aliments! Today we’re bringing you a versatile viand from Garvi Gujarat, but before we get started, I’d like to clear up a couple of things.
First, Amazing Aliments is most emphatically not hosted by TV host Joe Gray. We thought about seeking his services, but all things considered, we decided it was best not to provoke him any more than we already have.
Second, this show is Amazing Aliments, which is not to be confused with the strikingly similar Amazing Ailments. This is the one about strange snacks. If you were expecting the episode about sleeping sickness, that’s on another channel.
Now that we have those things out of the way, let’s look at Garvi Gujarat 3-in-One Pari. The package bills these wheat crackers as being “from the heart of Gujarat”, and also describes them as being “multi use”.
The simple fact that these crackers are called “3-in-One” implies that they have at least three different uses, so we set out to determine what those uses might be. The first thing we tried, of course, was eating them. They had no flavor and were extremely dry, so obviously eating them wasn’t one of the intended uses. Next, we tried using them as environmentally friendly packaging material for items from the merchandise shop. They were a bit too hard and brittle for this task, so that was another attempted use that wasn’t very useful. Then we tried using the Garvi Gujarat 3-in-One Pari to build a makeshift boat and finally get off this dreadful little island, but just as we were about to finish, Gilligan accidentally…what? We’re not doing that one? I thought we decided we were doing that one. Well, of course I wasn’t in the planning meeting. I was still recovering from the expired Every Burger. Why aren’t we doing this one, anyway? Oh? Really? That’s just…wow. Oh my.
Our last effort to determine the usefulness of these 3-in-One Pari was using them for divination. We threw them into the air and watched as they fell to the ground. No apparent pattern emerged, which was a welcome relief considering the strange events of the past few weeks, but it still left us in the dark as to what the (at least three) uses of these crackers were. It appears that these are one Amazing Aliment that will remain forever a mystery.