Recently, we received an unsolicited application from someone who wanted to join our culinary crime-fighting team. I’m not quite sure who started the rumor that the Federal Bureau of Foreign Culinary Relations has money to pay for more staff, but the job market is bad these days and I suppose people will lower themselves to anything when they’re desperate.
The anonymous applicant forgot to include his name or any contact information, so we couldn’t hire him even if we wanted to. He also didn’t really specify how he’d be useful to the FBFCR. He didn’t say that he’d be willing to taste frightening fish snacks, nor did he claim to have any special knowledge that might allow us to finally defeat the Croatian Clown Conglomerate. In fact, his whole pitch seemed to be pictorial in nature. Apparently, his only real skill is the ability to shoot cheese rings from his hands. Well that, and the ability to dress up in tight-fitting costumes, but the last thing we need is any more of that going on at the office.
I’m sure he thought that including a bag of his hand secretions would help to seal the deal, but come on, that was really a bit creepy. I mean, they tasted good and all, but don’t send that stuff with your job application. It just doesn’t look right.