Monthly Archives: May 2015

Al-Haloub Cow Luncheon Loaf

The بقرة says: مو

The بقرة says: مو

For many people in the United States, April 15th is a very significant date. It’s the deadline for doing something that they really don’t want to do. For us at Armenian Fungus Cake, the looming deadline was May 15th. That was the day when the Al-Haloub Cow Luncheon Loaf that had been sitting in the AFC laboratory for several years would finally expire. The amount of time that it had been waiting unopened clearly indicated that eating it was something we didn’t want to do.

Rather than allow this mysterious meat to go to waste, I decided that I would finally open it up and give it a try. As expected, the can was filled with a loaf of pink meat that required a bit of effort to extricate. After a bit of agitation, it finally emerged with a satisfying “plop”. The meaty monolith stood on the plate for some time as a pork-free monument to the worldwide appeal of rectangular prismatic luncheon loaves. After taking a few moments to ponder the significance of this quivering meat loaf, I sliced it up and cooked it, along with some polenta that came from a tube. This didn’t look nearly as appetizing as the picture on the can, but the Al-Haloub Cow Luncheon Loaf still proved to be just as tasty as virtually every other canned meat product (however tasty that happens to be).

It never looks as good as it does on the package.

It never looks as good as it does on the package.

With the consumption of this cow-derived concoction, we have finally cleared out the backlog of all products waiting to be evaluated in the food-tasting laboratory. But never fear, new things have a way of appearing there when we least expect them.

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