Fast Food Ordering

Posted by on May 16, 2012

A delicious looking burger you probably won't get at a fast food restaurant

Evening, readers. This post signifies the beginning of a new era; the beginning of something wonderful. It is my first full post at Armenian Fungus Cake. However, this is not about gargantuan grub, but about fast food.

My colleague and I were speaking of how various people order at a fast food establishment. In layman’s terms, a Mc***ald’s, Burger (Insert regency here), or other restaurants of that sort. More specifically, we spoke of how these habits correlate to various personalities in other aspects of life, outside of the all important fast food world. He pointed out that some are more aggressive, saying things like, “Give me,” or if they are feeling more Cesarian, “Render unto me,” a “quadruple double super-sized dodecahedronal fermented giraffe sandwich.” I concluded that these people had less time, were overtired, or were in general, kind of abrasive. I imagine that, if I was yearning to get to bed/work on time, I would be slightly more gruff to my ordering approach as well. I don’t have time to say, “May I get a triple decker herring shrubbery, please?” To be honest, this method bothers me the most. In my view, it broadcasts tendencies to be indecisive, uncannily polite (and not in a good way), and under-confident. Why wouldn’t your local moody high school dropout (fine, maybe they go to a vocational school) give you your food. At a fast food restaurant, chances are pretty slim that they won’t have it in stock. All they need to do is find some pigeons and felines to throw in a blender! They’re certainly not going to say no, just because they feel like saying no. If they say no, it’s probably your fault. If you want to be served, maybe you should stop going up to the counter/drive in window wearing roller skates and a baseball hat (with nothing else, of course).

Of course, however, there are the in between orderers. I fall into this category. Us in between-ers are more assertive about our ordering, but not in an antagonistic way. We say, “I would like,” or “I’ll have/get,” We are going to have/get the item we order, as we are not nude and wearing sporting equipment. We are the confident, but not cocky or violent. We say, “I’m going to offend vocational school attendees.” We don’t waffle, or use baseball bats to hurt people. And yes, we would like to order the thing we are ordering. Why would we be ordering it otherwise? Some may find this too brash. To that, I say, “I will have you put on some underwear and un-wheeled shoes. Hippy.” It may not be the nicest, but it feels the most appropriate. It’s not like these fast food people are your friends. Chances are, they won’t see you again. And if they do, and they have friends, put some clothes on!

Anyhow, I found how people order food profoundly interesting, and a fascinating yet fatty way to peer into the lives of the typical American. So, next time you order a thousand year tofu jumbo fries box, think, “What do my ordering choices say about me? And why am I naked?”




6 Responses to Fast Food Ordering

  1. Jose

    this is really good arren! 😀

  2. Arren Kimbel-Sannit


  3. Carolynn

    Have to disagree with your opinion on the tastiness of the burger’s looks….:-)
    That reminds me, I need to order some fast food soon!

  4. David Rice

    Today I heard someone ask, “Can I have a bean and rice burrito?” For a moment, I thought that the cashier might respond, “Absolutely not! What is wrong with you?!” But, no such luck.

  5. Dr. Doris Dinghaüsen

    Evening writer,

    I have been reading your articles recently and found your observations very thought-provoking. To think how one orders their hamburger from a fast food establishment reflects their personality and attitude is amusing. If you think of the way someone orders food at a proper restaurant, they do not just say “give me a new york strip steak,” because it is considered impolite. But when someone orders food from a fast food restaurant, they do not say “may I please have a double cheeseburger, hold the mayonnaise.”

    The way you addressed and analyzed this topic shows the true depth in understanding what things are considered “right” in the american mind.

    Well done,
    Dr. Dinghaüsen

    • Arren Kimbel-Sannit

      Thank you, Dr. Dinghaüsen (if that is your real name-which it isn’t). I have a question for you. What event is the causal factor behind the fact that three seemingly unrelated intellectuals all reside under the same roof and IP address?


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