In the secret meeting place of the Vast Soursop Conspiracy (which is most emphatically not anywhere near downtown Cleveland), a crisis was brewing. Production of Soursop Flavor Pudding had ground to a halt, and the members of the Conspiracy had gathered to hear the report.
“What do you mean there isn’t enough?” bellowed the Supreme Soursop Superintendent.
“Th-th-the tank is completely empty, Your Soppiness,” replied the Subservient Soursop Serf.
“You fool!” roared the Supreme Soursop Superintendent. “How can this possibly be?”
“W-well, Your Tropicalness,” squeaked the Subservient Soursop Serf, “perhaps this was an act of sabotage by the East Mangoustanis.”
The Superintendent exploded with rage and pounded his shoe on the table. “We will bury them!” he shouted. “I don’t care what you have to do! Find a way to restart production!”
The Serf shrank back and stammered, “But, Great Graviola, we can’t make pudding without milk!”
“Away with you!” commanded the Superintendent, and the Guanabana Guards dragged the Serf out of the secret meeting place (which I would like to remind you is not anywhere near downtown Cleveland).
Back at the Soursop Flavor Pudding factory, the Subservient Soursop Serf was frantically trying to find a way to resume production of pudding. He stayed up all night, drinking cup after cup of coffee with creamer. Then he had an idea…
The above account is clearly the only possible way to explain the ingredients in Soursop Flavor Pudding. This garishly green concoction is curiously gelatinous. It doesn’t taste bad, as it contains both soursop juice and artificial soursop flavor. (Who knew they made artificial soursop flavor?) It does, however, seem much more like gelatin than pudding. This is because Soursop Flavor Pudding isn’t made with milk at all; it’s made with non-dairy creamer. The stuff you put in coffee. And somehow, it works. The Subservient Soursop Serf seems quite smart indeed. Perhaps the Supreme Soursop Superintendent will someday promote him to Supervising Soursop Sergeant.
In case you’re wondering who committed the sabotage that started this all, it wasn’t the East Mangoustanis; not a single mangosteen husk was found near the scene of the crime. There were, however, several small paw prints and a hastily scrawled message that appeared to read “Wong Lo Kat was here.”