New York City is considering banning sugar-sweetened fountain drinks over 16 ounces. The reason for this is because New Yorkers are apparently indulging in too many fructose-filled 512-ounce Stupendous Swigs and making themselves obscenely obese.
The Republic of Trinidad and Tobago has a different solution to this problem, and it’s much simpler. The inhabitants of this binomial nation have apparently decided to name their sugary sodas based on how you’ll end up if you drink too many of them. As you can see, this bottle is quite small, so it’s called Chubby Pineapple Sunshine Soda. One can imagine the larger sizes would be named with adjectives that describe a state of being that is, well, larger. It could apply to other fattening foods as well. Who could complain about corpulence after eating bag after bag of Pudgy Potato Chips? And I don’t think anyone would have much sympathy for a fellow who sued a fast-food restaurant for serving him too many Double Chin Double Cheeseburgers with Flabby French Fries.
So thanks to Trinidad and Tobago for some truth in advertising. Go ahead and drink as much of that soda as you want, but don’t say they didn’t warn you. As far as the flavor goes, it tasted vaguely like pineapple and nothing like sunshine. This won’t be the soda that renders me rotund.