Posted by on June 7, 2012

Your reliable partner in a world where bad stuff happens a lot.

Noon, readers

It is no secret that the Middle East is in turmoil. War, terror, religious discord, and corruption are rampant. However, the good people of Pakistan have created a solution: Pakola, the most beloved soda of Pakistan.

Even when one of the world’s most wanted men is found holed up outside of Islamabad, there’s always a trusty can of Pakola by one’s side, there to relieve any woes with its supposed cream soda taste.

Hearing of Pakola’s traits, I thought it appropriate for me to try it. After all, it made some rather odd claims, such as that it is the favorite soda of Pakistan. It was also a rather interesting color. Perhaps most bizarrely, it possessed the old soda can tabs. The shoehorn looking metal bits were outlawed in America, as the ends of the tab stuck up in the air when dropped, which led to many people gouging the underside of their foot with it. Understandably, American beverage proprietors are no longer allowed to use them. However, that didn’t stop Haji Ali Muhammad and his line of Pakolas (Yes, there are multiple flavors of Pakola) from utilizing frightening metal tabs on their cans. Nay, they use them all they want. After all, they have to deal with India right next door. They can do whatever they want with their carbonated beverage¬†receptacles.

Long story short, the can was filled, and covered, with oddities. It was a bright green, with waves of darker green laced along the brighter hue. The English side translated the flavor into “Cream Soda,” although the French side more correctly interpreted it as “Ice Cream Soda.”

“What’s that he said?” you may well wonder. “Ice Cream Soda?”

Yes, I indeed said, or rather wrote, Ice Cream Soda. However, I found it more odd that it didn’t say what kind. I’ve never had generic Ice Cream before. What would it taste like? Cream and ice cubes? However, this¬†dilemma ended up not being a problem, as when I opened the can, the contents seemed unlike any ice cream I’ve ever had. The beverage was the color of grass, a deeper green than absinthe, or anything mint flavored. I must admit, I was less than enthused to try the green drink.

However, I didn’t let that stop me. How bad could cream and ice cubes be? At this point in the article, I imagine that many readers are at the edge of their seats, preparing for me to say that I was wrong, and it was disgusting, in classic Armenian Fungus Cake style. Well, you’re half right.

You are correct in the sense that it does not taste like Ice Cream, whatever that tastes like. In fact, even though the literal Urdu-French translation is Ice Cream, the Urdu-English one seems more correct, as it did sort of taste like cream soda. Not a sort of in a bad way, but in a “It doesn’t taste entirely like cream soda way.” I was puzzled about the final flavor of the beverage, when my literary colleague had an answer: “Hibiscus and cream soda,” he said. I confirmed his statement. It tastes like hibiscus and cream soda, if you added more sugar than usual, and put it in a blender with green food coloring. However, it was certainly not unpleasant. I would go as far as to say that it was good. I would probably consume it again.

Was the Pakistani government harboring Bin Laden? We don’t know. Will the Pakistani government ban this website, even though we complimented their official soda? Probably. Does it matter? No, because you, the reader, and I, the writer, have a trusty can of Pakola to get us through the rough times.



One Response to Pakola

  1. David Rice

    The web site may be banned in Pakistan, but Pakola is good enough to be banned in Boston.

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