Somewhere in India, in the state of Gujarat, along Bindu Sarover Road, lies the Sidhpur Sat-Isabgol Factory. Each day, the factory churns out box after box of B.G. Telephone Brand Registered Sat-Isagbol Psyllium Husk! I don’t mean to sound overly enthusiastic there, but that’s what the product is really called. It’s not “Psyllium Husk”, it’s “Psyllium Husk!” with an exclamation mark.
This product was strangely shelved with the strange snacks, but it’s certainly not a tasty treat. The package innocently suggests that 5 to 10 grams can be taken as needed with water, syrup, milk, fruit juice, salted curd, or lassi. It also explains that psyllium husk is alternatively known as sat-isagbol. That’s one mystery out of the way.
The box offers an explanation of how sat-isagbol is produced and gives the scientific name of of the plant from which it is derived. What it doesn’t do is explain exactly why one would want to take 5 to 10 grams of sat-isagbol with water, with salted curd, or even with lassi. Fortunately, we at the Federal Bureau of Foreign Culinary Relations already knew exactly what was going on.
You see, we’ve had the Vast Soursop Conspiracy under surveillance for a long time. Their members can’t go anywhere, do anything, or say anything without the FBFCR being completely aware of it. Even their secret hideout (which is absolutely not anywhere near downtown Cleveland) is thoroughly bugged. So when they decided to position this box of B.G. Telephone Brand Registered Sat-Isagbol Psyllium Husk! on the snack shelf, we were ready. Had we avoided such an interesting item, the Conspiracy would have realized that we had knowledge of their plan. Thus, it was necessary that we feign ignorance and purchase this tempting antique-style box of sat-isagbol.
When it came time to perform our standard tests on this curious commodity (disguised as a strange snack), I filled Agent Kimbel-Sannit in on the details. He had been away on a rare domestic mission involving the Wiz Brothers (Wit and Witout), so he was unaware of the Vast Soursop Conspiracy’s plot. I explained what the Conspiracy was planning, the importance of maintaining our cover, and the general effects of psyllium husk. At that moment, he announced that his report about the Wiz Brothers was overdue and he had to leave immediately. That left me as the only agent who would be required to ingest sat-isagbol.
All agents of the FBFCR understand that they may be called upon to undertake difficult or dangerous missions, so I knew that a day like this would eventually arrive. With as much courage as I could muster, I mixed 10 grams of B.G. Telephone Brand Registered Sat-Isagbol Psyllium Husk! into a large glass of water and swallowed the slimy concoction. The standard serving of sat-isagbol is only 3.5 grams, but I knew that if I didn’t appear enthusiastic, the Vast Soursop Conspiracy could become suspicious.
The good news is that the Vast Soursop Conspiracy appears to have been fooled by this tactic. They have been bolder than ever when it comes to discussing their surreptitious schemes and the FBFCR has gathered much valuable intelligence. The bad news is that sat-isagbol (or psyllium husk!) is a powerful laxative.
I’d love to tell you about the Vast Soursop Conspiracy’s latest plans, but now just isn’t a good time. I have other things that I must attend to…right away.