Jack n’ Jill “Piattos” Nacho Pizza Chips

Posted by on July 27, 2012

Unfortunately, this trinity doesn’t come close to matching that of Bacon, Bacon, and Bacon

Afternoon, readers

Everyone knows that pizza is practically a world wide culinary icon, which says a lot about either pizza or globalization. Chips are another global foodstuff. So, it only made sense for certain companies to create pizza flavored chips and other starchy snacks. Here in the US, one food item among the hordes that exist, and one that has popularity rivaling that of pizza, is the humble nacho: cheese melted on a tortilla chip. These ostensibly Mexican hybrid snacks (which are most definitely not Mexican) also have chip incarnations, which is a little strange considering that nachos involve chips by definition. In fact, one of the flagship flavors of one of the most widely consumed brand of chips, Doritos (which sort of means “turned golden” in Spanish) is nacho! Anyhow, it only seems natural that, at some point, someone would have to create something that combined the holy trinity that I just made up, something so artificially Italian, so cheesy-ly not-really-Mexican, and so crunchily chip-like. Something with 70 calories from fat, virtually no protein, and a whopping 230 grams of sodium seemed to be inevitable. Lo and behold, here it is, something to fulfill our longing, the almighty Nacho Pizza Chip, courtesy of…the Philippines?

That’s right, the Philippines; a country that’s only connection to Mexico is that they were both colonized by the Spanish, and only connection to Pizza is that Italian Americans have probably been there at some point, houses Jack n’ Jill, a company that creates chips, and rather strange chips, as you’ll soon find out.

“So, what is a Jack n’ Jill ‘Piattos’ line Nacho Pizza Chip like?” you may well ask.

Is it an enigmatic chip, with subtle flavors reminiscent of homemade nachos and pizza? Not really.

Is it ostentatious, with big bold flavors that don’t leave much to think about? Sort of.

Is it a bizarre mish-mash of strange vaguely pizzoid and nachoid flavors that physically assaults your tastebuds, kicks you in the groin, steals your phone, takes out your SIM card, and then tells you to call the police, not letting you remember exactly what it is you just ate? Pretty much.

See, Nacho Pizza chips are a strange beast indeed, probably containing more things that start with “Hydrox” than cheese. Realistically, one could probably sue Jack n’ Jill for false advertising, considering all of the yummy looking plastic peppers and olives and onions they put on the packaging but are most definitely not in the chips. Unfortunately, I have no idea how the Filippino legal system works, so that probably won’t happen.

In reality, the chips taste like every other pizza chip that exists, except the fact that it is an incredibly weak flavor. It sort of tastes like a pizza chip, but not exactly. It definitely doesn’t taste like actual pizza, and you can’t really taste Nacho flavor. Really, the chips have no reason to exist, unless they’re a product that was created by some sort of Soursopian Mangoustani Communist Filippino affiliate that has the sole purpose of poisoning agents of the FBFCR.

This seems sort of unlikely, since I don’t really feel anyfgffrgtvfdf ghbv \

One Response to Jack n’ Jill “Piattos” Nacho Pizza Chips

  1. David Rice

    Should you wish to pursue your legal claim, I highly recommend retaining the law firm of Bacon, Bacon, and Bacon. You’ve obviously heard their name in their ubiquitous daytime TV advertisements.

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