Good Morning, Comrades
Today, I tell you about obviously communist, and subsequently excellent energy drink called M-150. The beverage is of Thai origin, which finally means that the influence of Mother Rus…er…energy has spread throughout the world. The drink is manufactured by Osotspa Co. Ltd, and is top selling energy drink in Thailand. It is stocked in more than 90% of retail markets–but remember, it has nothing to do with evil stock market. Its area of distribution ranges out to Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Indonesia, Malaysia, The Philippines, Japan, and Cyprus, some of which are my favorite Asian countries because of their MILITANT LOVE OF good food. Right. Good food. Heh.
Anyhow, printed on label of can of beverage is a large red star, clearly a reference to the greatest thing in whole world, the color Red, which is symbolic of love, something very important to me, Arren Kimbel-Sannit, as that is name of me.
Around the star, the words Courage, Devotion, and Sacrifice are printed, the three most important things to any respectable person, unless, of course, you are a MISERABLE, BASTARDIZED, EVIL, SELFISH, and GENERALLY UNPLEASANT PERSON! YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES! YOU ARE A MISERABLE WRETCH, AND YOU SHOULD BE THROWN INTO THE GULAGS, YOU BOURGEOIS PIG!
My apologies. Television was turned up too far, and it got into my dictation software. Let me go talk to my friend…er…David…about the television volume.
“Turn it down, Vasily”
“We don’t even have a television, Commissar!”
“Then shut up, dog!”
I’m back now. So, I did eventually consume the beverage, although I knew it would be excellent based on the values displayed on its label. I cannot say that it was very energizing, since I am already perfectly fit for doing excellent things, like invading Georgia. I need not more energy.
However, some people I know, with the help of castor oil and the butt of a rifle, were helped significantly by the energy drink. Despite this, it did work very well to wash down my borscht and vodka protein shake…if I drank borscht and vodka protein shakes, of course, as that would imply that I would be an adult Russian person, which is clearly not true.
The beverage itself is a sickly yellow color, with vaguely sweet flavor. Of course, having normal taste and color would mean that people matter, which of course, they don’t. Only the party matters. Um…the party that I throw every saturday at the incredibly South Korean Karaoke bar I happen to frequent. Go free market!
*Faint Yelling Again*
“Commissar, someone is at the door!”
Damn. Well, I will see you soon. Yay M-150!
“Get the rifles, Vasily, we are leaving! Out the window! Stupid capitalist pigs!”
*Door breaks down*