There Was Disco in Germany

Posted by on September 20, 2012

Several months ago, Armenian Fungus Cake first broke the story of Persian Hip-Hop. This shocking revelation rocked the music world and led to copycat crimes throughout Turkmenistan, Azerbaijan, and Georgia (the one next to Alabama). Hot on the heels of this acoustic anomaly comes another terrifying truth: there was disco in Germany.

When you think of disco, you probably think of artists such as the Bee Gees, Kool & the Gang, or any of those other names that come up when you search for “best disco artists”. You probably don’t think of Dschingihs Khan (or Genghis Khan as it would be pronounced in English). That is unless you’re German, in which case you should probably stop reading now before I make any more enemies. There are already a few nations (and disputed territories) in the Caucasus region where my name is a common household insult, and I’d hate to see the trend spread throughout Europe.

For those of you who’ve never heard of Dschinghis Khan, they were (surprise, surprise) a disco group that was popular in the 1970s. They often sung about historical figures and famous places. The video you see here is their tribute to the great Russian city of Moscow. Go ahead, watch it. I’ll wait.

How am I even supposed to follow up on that? Should I comment on the costumes, or the dance steps, or that mustachioed Hungarian fellow in the green satin suit? Is there anything I could possibly say that isn’t already completely expressed by the video itself?

Actually there is one thing I should say, considering the dreadful dreams that could be induced by what you’ve just seen. It’s a reminder of the Armenian Fungus Cake motto that you’ve never heard because I just invented it: “Your nightmares are not my problem.” And speaking of nightmares, be glad that I didn’t share the video of the eponymous song about Genghis Khan (or Dschinghis Khan) instead. That is unless you prefer the green Hungarian fellow with cladding that is a bit…scantier.

If you’ve gotten this far, you’re not German, so you probably want to know what they’re singing. Here goes:

Moscow, strange and full of secrets, towers made of red gold, cold as ice.
But Moscow, the ones who really know you, know that a hot fire burns within you.
Cossacks, raise, raise, raise your glasses! Natasha, you’re beautiful! Hey, comrade, a toast to life! To your health, brother, hey, brother!
Moscow, Moscow! Throw your glasses at the wall! Russia is a beautiful land!

Moscow, Moscow! Your soul is so grand. At night the devil runs loose there.
Moscow, Moscow! Love tastes like caviar. There are girls to kiss there.
Moscow, Moscow! Come on, let’s dance on the table Until the table breaks!
Moscow, gateway to the past. Mirror of the time of the czars. Red as blood.
Moscow, the one who knows your soul knows that love burns there as hot as flame.
Cossacks, raise, raise, raise your glasses! Natasha, you’re beautiful! Hey, comrade, a toast to love! To your health, girl, hey, girl!
Moscow, Moscow! Throw your glasses at the wall! Russia is a beautiful land!
Moscow, Moscow! Your soul is so grand. At night the devil runs loose there.

Moscow, Moscow! La, la, la…
Moscow, Moscow! Vodka is drunk straight and cold, it makes you live to a hundred years old!
Moscow, Moscow! Papa, your glass is empty, but there’s more left in the cupboard!
Cossacks, raise, raise, raise your glasses! Natasha, you’re beautiful! Hey, comrade, a toast to love! To your health, brother, hey, brother!
Moscow, Moscow! Throw your glasses at the wall! Russia is a beautiful land!
Moscow, Moscow! Your soul is so grand. At night the devil runs loose there.

Moscow, Moscow! Love tastes like caviar. There are girls to kiss there.
Moscow, Moscow! Come on, let’s dance on the table until the table breaks!

Mustachioed green guy isn’t coming to get you. Really, he’s not. Just go back to sleep. Nothing to worry about at all.

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