The following message was recently received at the headquarters of the Federal Bureau of Foreign Culinary Relations:
ATTENTION AIR-BREATHING LAND DWELLERS!
We represent the Sovereign Thalassic Hegemony, and we will no longer be used as prawns in your crappie attempts to sell fish-based snacks to denizens of the airworld. We trout that you will respect this ultimatum. Should you choose to ignore it, your people will find themselves singing a different tuna as they witness the anger of the Hegemony!
Of course we ignored this piscine protest; the Hegemony re-surfaces every few years with an attempt at ichthyic intimidation, and nothing ever comes of it.
Imagine our surprise when we came across this package of A1 Tropics Fish Crackers (Salt & Vinegar Flavor). There on the bag was a picture of none other than the Capoluccio himself: the supreme leader of the Sovereign Thalassic Hegemony, and he didn’t look happy. This came as a great shock, since the members of the Hegemony have never managed to make good on their threats in the past. Remember that time in 2004 when they were going to make everyone on Earth eat a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich? That plan never made it out of the bathypelagic zone. And it’s a good thing too; even Elvis wouldn’t have wanted to eat a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich.
Never being the types to shrink from a strange snack, we took the Capoluccio’s choleric countenance as a challenge and consumed these crackers. They were quite tasty, and we highly recommend them in spite of the furious fish that appear on the bag. The net result of all this is that yet another threat from the Sovereign Thalassic Hegemony has proven to be nothing more than a bunch of puffery from a bunch of pufferfish.
On an unrelated note, someone scrawled some very unusual graffiti on the inside of the office aquarium overnight. It read “Momordicae Grosvenori”. It’s probably nothing. Just a joke by the cleaning people, I’m sure.