Monthly Archives: September 2012
It’s important for agents of the Federal Bureau of Foreign Culinary Relations to maintain their cover. But do you know what all those strange snacks do to your insides? Let me tell you, it’s not pretty. It could even blow an agent’s cover, if you know what I mean.
That’s why Fresh Drop Bathroom Odor Preventor seemed like it would be a useful addition to the FBFCR’s field kit. The package claims that Fresh Drop neutralizes embarrassing odors, but in this case, it would serve a much more important purpose. FBFCR agents are used to being put in embarrassing situations, so they would instead call upon Fresh Drop to neutralize any revealing remnants of Milk Peanut with Soup and Ching Poo Luong.
As one would expect, Fresh Drop comes in a small dropper bottle (and since it comes in a dropper, it carries a dire warning: “NOT FOR EYES!”). The back of the package contains paragraphs of instructions, but the slogan on the front sums it all up nicely: “A Fresh Drop before you go, no one will ever know!” Really. I didn’t make that up. That’s what it says.
The back of the package explains that Fresh Drop is a “highly concentrated plant extract”. So, you ask, how does it work? Well, on one hand, not as well as claimed. But on the other hand, our spies indicate that the East Mangoustani government believes that the FBFCR is now employing trained koalas as culinary agents. This should throw them off the scent for some time to come. It must have something to do with that plant extract I mentioned earlier. Think about it. Go on.
As an interesting side note, this product is part of the Brands with Braille line. That green stripe along the top of the package is embossed with Braille that reads “toilet deodorizer”. It’s the only product I’ve ever seen (no pun intended, really!) that includes Braille on the package.
Need a name for your new product? Use this handy product naming tool! Just pick a word from list A, a word from list B, and a word from list C. You’ll instantly have a new name for your strange snack or curious commodity!
Try it yourself! Special Plastic Marzipan. Bovine Luncheon Egg. Instant Otiose Propellant. Gourmet Spicy Wrench. Armenian Fungus Cake.
Wait, I’m keeping that last one for myself.
The Song Lim Chocolate Company obviously used the same amazing tool when naming their Dual Chocolate Tangerine candy. While it’s not obvious exactly what makes this candy dual (or chocolate for that matter), it’s still a better name than Magnetic Frozen Tangerine.
The candies are individually wrapped and are made with real cane sugar. The English translation identifies them as “biscuit with white chocolate, citron flavor”, and they do contain both citron powder and natural citron flavor. They taste a bit like tangerine, and have a crispy texture thanks to an ingredient identified as “crunch seed”.
The package also presents a tourism tie-in. Near the Song Lim logo is a command to “visit Jeju-Korea”. This refers to Jeju Island, which actually sounds like an interesting place to visit. There is also a stylized drawing of the island’s dol hareubang (“stone grandfather”) statues which are known for their mushroom-like hats. While I normally comply with all orders from snack foods (such as “enjoy POP soda!!”), a trip to Jeju Island is currently out of the question unless Song Lim Chocolate Company comes through with a lucrative sponsorship deal.
Coming soon: a review of the Computerized Hypergolic Duster.