As you’ve probably read in the popular media, recent reports of our whopping wealth have been found to be fabricated. This came as a huge shock to us and was very damaging to our egos. Even worse, I’m sad to report that the dressage horse has been repossessed. The take-back man waited for us to be distracted by a report of Mangoustani agents at the mall, and he towed her away as soon as we rushed off to investigate this intelligence.
Devastated by this development, we at the Federal Bureau of Foreign Culinary Relations did what anyone in our position would do: we comforted ourselves with junk food. Specifically, we splurged on a package of Pocky. Not Chocky, or Socky, or Ticky, or Mocky, but real genuine (and expensive) Pocky. We couldn’t afford the giant version of course, since we still have to pay that fine for illegally keeping a dressage horse within the city limits. But we managed to obtain one box of the regular-size real stuff. And it was even more special because it was salty. This Pocky flavor is apparently a delicacy in Japan, along with pineapple, sweet potato, pumpkin, and cold hardy mandarin. It was really quite tasty, and it took our minds off the pecuniary problems that we were facing. In fact, we can heartily recommend it to anyone who needs to distract themselves from troubles such as malfunctioning yachts, broken car elevators, and yes, even repossessed dressage horses.
Other than the saltiness, the only other remarkable aspect of Salty Milk Chocolate Pocky was a strange bar code on the side of the package. The instructions were in Japanese, but we guessed that this was supposed to be scanned with a smartphone. When we tried this, the phone began vibrating and the screen flashed “MG” in bold red letters for the next five minutes. In other words, nothing interesting happened. Obviously the bar code wasn’t as remarkable as we thought.