YouPie 768X Coffee Pie

Posted by on December 10, 2012

YouPie 768X Coffee Pie

The YouGoods Company produces these YouPie 768X Coffee Pies. These pies, and indeed all of the goods produced by YouGoods, are all about you. That much is clear. What’s less clear is the significance of the 768X in the name. Obviously something about these pies is 768 times something else, but there are few clues about this mysterious multiplication.

The slogan on the package is “boundless merriment with friends getting together.” Maybe the 768X means that these pies produce 768 times more merriment than average pies. That would be quite a bit of merriment.

It might also mean that you’ll have 768 times more friends if you give them all YouPie 768X Coffee Pies. That would be a lot of friends. If you started out with 400 friends (using the Facebook definition, obviously) and gave each of those friends YouPie 768X Coffee Pies, you’d have 307,200 friends. Repeat the process, and you end up with 235,929,600 friends. One more round of pies would buy you 181,193,932,800 friends, with the only problem being that there aren’t that many people in the whole world. Plus, that’s just too many friends, even when boundless merriment is involved.

The name could also mean that this package contains 768 times more coffee pies than a normal package of coffee pies. But that would mean that an ordinary package only contains 0.016 pies. That’s a ridiculously small amount of pie, and would really put a damper on any merriment that might ensue as a result of said coffee pies.

One taster remarked that these individually-wrapped wafers (which really aren’t pies at all) tasted like “pure caffeine”. Thus, it’s possible that they contain 768 times the amount of caffeine as in a normal coffee pie. But that much caffeine would be enough to kill an elephant, and no one who tasted the YouPie 768X Coffee Pies actually died as a result of eating them. At least that’s what my lawyers tell me.

While there are many theories, none of them seem to be consistent with the flavor and texture of these odd edibles. It seems that the multiplicative nature of YouPie 768X Coffee Pies will remain forever a mystery.

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