Do you ever get tired of having to go to the ends of the earth for fried delicacies? And then just when you get to Grenoble, you realize that you have a craving for some fried food that’s only served in San Salvador? It’s enough to drive a person mad. At least you don’t have to do all that while avoiding agents of the Vast Soursop Conspiracy and the Sovereign Thalassic Hegemony. Do you know what it’s like to have every culinary cartel after you at the same time? It (and indigestion from too many fried foods) is enough to keep you awake at night.
That’s why we were so happy to finally discover Mo’pleez All In One Indian Snacks. (Our team of linguists assures us that the etymology of “mo’pleez” is completely different from that of “fezpleez“, which is at least mildly reassuring as far as dystopian world takeovers go.) With this bag of all-in-one treats we could finally enjoy a mix of all fried Indian delicacies, all in one place. And it certainly is quite a mix: chick peas, rice flakes, mung lentils, red lentils, spinach, green peas, cashews, peanuts, and even raisins. That’s not even including the incredible mix of spices: nutmeg, bay leaves, mango powder, cinnamon, turmeric, and asafoetida.
That last spice required a bit of research. These fried Indian delicacies tasted delicious, but as it is our sworn duty to investigate the details of all foreign foods, we couldn’t simply enjoy this bag of deep-fried delights. Sadly, this mouthwatering melange proved to be harboring a satanic secret: asafoetida is better known as “devil’s dung”. Clearly this crunchy collection was simply a trick by the enemies of the FBFCR to make us eat devil’s dung. Rest assured that this Mephistophelian machination will not go uninvestigated. We are already mobilizing the full resources of the FBFCR to determine who foisted this fetid feast upon us. I mean, devil’s tongue was bad enough, but this was devil’s dung. That’s not to say that it tasted bad, but still. Devil’s dung.