Avocado Olive & Basil Bar by Crabtree & Evelyn

Posted by on August 30, 2013
Sadly inedible

Sadly inedible

Imagine my excitement when I saw this Avocado Olive & Basil Bar. Those are three of the five best food ingredients in the world (the other two being sun-dried tomatoes and sour cream). To finally have this tasty triumvirate in bar form would be the savory answer to the sweet perfection of the Chuao Firecracker Bar. I began to imagine spending the rest of my life eating nothing but Avocado Olive & Basil Bars followed by Chuao Firecracker Bars for dessert. I knew that experience would be tragically cut short by a ruptured stomach, but I tried not to think about that.

I eagerly tore into the packaging and revealed the perfectly formed bar inside. I smelled the avocado, the olive, and the basil. Everything is better with more avocado, and this bar was going to be no exception. Combining avocado and basil was clearly going to be the most brilliant culinary concoction in the history of bar-form foods. Topping it off with delicious olives was a sign of an incredibly creative chef.

I prepared to take the first bite. I slowly moved the Avocado Olive & Basil Bar toward my mouth, and took one final smell to make sure I would enjoy the experience as much as possible. Just when I thought that nothing could spoil this momentous moment, I was jolted back into reality by a rude realization: it’s soap.

It’s soap! Crabtree & Evelyn, how could you do this to me? How could you cruelly raise my hopes by listing such a perfect combination of ingredients, only to destroy my dreams by turning these fragrant foodstuffs into a personal hygiene product? It’s like you made this whole line of products just so that I’d find them one day and then suffer the crushing disappointment of not being able to eat the world’s most perfect food. Rest assured that I have been suitably emotionally damaged by this painful prank.

Oh, they also make Avocado Olive & Basil Shampoo. My hair smells like basil. I’m still disappointed.

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