Vosges Haut Chocolat Black Pearl Bar

Posted by on September 2, 2013
Highly complicated

Highly complicated

Have you ever been shocked to find out that you’ve been doing something wrong your whole life? Have you ever been equally shocked to find out that chocolate can be sushi, and vice versa? The Vosges Haut Chocolat Black Pearl Bar caused me to be shocked by both of these things.

First, it contains ginger and wasabi, which are two things that I normally associate with sushi. And it’s real wasabi, not the fake stuff they usually give you with sushi. Did you know that stuff is almost always fake? Well, it is. It’s grated horseradish, mustard, and starch with green food coloring, which is completely different from wasabi. Shocking, isn’t it? You’ve been fooled all this time and didn’t even know it. And you’re not going to complain, because the last thing you want to do is upset the guy who’s preparing your raw fish, right?

Second, it comes with quite an array of eating instructions. There are probably almost 150 words explaining the exact procedure for enjoying this particular chocolate bar. Personally, I always thought the right way to eat a chocolate bar was to frantically unwrap it, jam the whole thing into my mouth, chew a maximum of five times, and then stew in silent shame with a chocolate ring around my mouth. Apparently, that’s not the way you’re supposed to do it.

Among the other chocolate commands printed on the package, one is instructed to take three deep breaths before eating the bar. Then one carefully examines it to note whether or not it displays proper color and shine. Then one rubs the bar gently to warm it up, and evaluates the smell. Finally, after breaking the bar in half, one performs a multi-step tasting ritual and answers the questions printed on the back of the package. I’m not sure, but I think you can also write and submit a thesis to obtain your Ch.D (that’s Doctor of Chocolatiering, in case you didn’t know).

The Black Pearl Bar was very good, even though (or maybe because) the wasabi and ginger made it smell a bit like sushi. The detailed directions made it possible to enjoy the complex flavors even more. I don’t think I’ll be writing a 30-page paper about this bar, though. I have enough theses on the horizon already.

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