I’d hoped it would never come to this. As much as I wanted this little site in a forgotten corner of the Internet to make us rich and famous, there was one group that I didn’t want to deal with. It’s a gang that’s so feared, I refrained from mentioning them, thinking that by ignoring them they might never notice this collection of strange snacks and wacky weirdness.
In spite of my best efforts to hide, the Croatian Clown Conglomerate has found us. They never show themselves directly. Not at first, anyway. But they always deliver a message to the ones they’re watching. This time in arrived in the form of a bag of Kraš Ki-Ki candy that came from an allegedly Serbian source. Regardless of the attempt to conceal its origins, I immediately spotted the hallmarks of the CCC. First, the candy is Croatian. Croatian clowns always make their veiled threats using Croatian candy. I still remember that from my training as an agent of the Federal Bureau of Foreign Culinary Relations. Next, there is an ominous-looking clown with creepy eyes on the package. A happy clown wouldn’t really be very threatening, but a creepy clown with crosses for eyes conveys the message of the CCC quite clearly. Finally, the number 099 was scrawled directly above the clown’s right eye. The FBFCR continues to investigate the meaning of this numerical mystery, but so far we have been unable to determine what the Conglomerate is trying to convey.
Regardless of what terrible tribulations the Croatian Clown Conglomerate intends to inflict upon us in the future, at least they sent us a nice bag of candy. It contains fruit, fruit, and plant extracts. I’m not sure why they listed fruit twice, since there really isn’t that much fruit in these chewy candies. Maybe they don’t believe in using the Oxford comma, and their punctuational puzzlement has created some confusion.
In any case, the candy was quite good and momentarily helped to alleviate the terrible fear that comes along with being threatened by the Croatian Clown Conglomerate. I’m still not sure what we did to upset them. It could be something as simple as our steadfast use of the Oxford comma. If that’s the case, all I can say is, “Bring it on!” We might do any number of things to appease our enemies, but we will never, ever, compromise our punctuation principles.