Thanks to Ginbis Four Seas Foods, we finally have an excuse to eat cookies. Just like us, Ginbis’ motto is “we are dreaming of sweets!” But one thing we never dreamed of is that there would one day arrive a coconut-flavored cookie that was also educational. How could anyone pass up the opportunity to dive into a box of enlightening edibles? It might be the most guilt-free gourmandise in history.
The lesson of Ginbis starts out simply: the cookies are imprinted with the name (in English) of the animal they represent. This is a good way to get oneself in the mood to learn, and is a nice confidence booster. But it soon starts to get more difficult: the cookies begin making a distinction between “duck” and “m. duck”. It’s important to understand this distinction, since it will probably be on the test. Then more obscure animals start popping up, like “tapir”. Do you know what a tapir is? Because I don’t. I ate a tapir cookie, but I still don’t know what a tapir is. I hope the midterm doesn’t involve writing a paper about tapirs.
Then, just as it seems that tapirs are the worst of it, the vocabulary list comes into play. It has pictures of all the animals, which at least helps to distinguish between “duck” and “m. duck”. Apparently, ducks face to their left, while m. ducks face to their right. So, mental note: if it faces to the right, it’s an m. duck. I think I have that under control. At least the picture of the tapir helps to explain what it is, since the cookie was quite unhelpful. A tapir is some kind of fat long-nosed bear that walks on its hind legs. A tapir is a bloated bipedal bear. Bloated bipedal bear. Yeah, that’s how I’ll remember what a tapir is.
After a few more cookies, it’s now obvious that this is going to be a lot harder than I expected. The list of animals includes the English name, the Japanese katakana pronunciation of that name, and the corresponding kanji name of the animal. Here I thought I was going to be breezing through a simple course in animal names, and now it turns out these cookies were actually planning to teach me Japanese. I’m really going to have to cram if I want to be able to regurgitate the difference between ducks, m. ducks, bears, polar-bears, parrots, and macaws. Plus there will probably be ten things on the final that aren’t even on the box, because that’s how it always is.
And, just to add insult to injury, the remainder of the box is a cartoon in which a lion, a monkey, and a fox decide to shirk their responsibilities and go play baseball while the rest of us are stuck trying to learn a whole new language when we were only planning to enjoy a box of cookies. Thanks a lot, lion. Keep rubbing it in. I hope a tapir robs you of a home run.