Oh god. Oh my god. It happened. It finally happened. I tried to warn them not to get too creative. I told them that terrible things would happen if they tried to make food combinations that didn’t go together. But did they listen to me? No. Of course they didn’t listen to me. Does anybody ever listen to me? And would anybody really take my side when I was debating the Tao Kae Noi man?
I told them that they could make as many different types of seaweed as they wanted. They could make it regular, or spicy, or slather it in tempura batter. They could even make pizza flavor. But the one thing I warned them never to mess with was kimchi. The power of kimchi is just too powerful. No one who kibitzes with kimchi ever escapes unscathed.
But I’m nobody, and the Tao Kae Noi man is the supreme leader of Taokaenoi Land. So when the Tao Kae Noi man says to make kimchi flavored seaweed, the people of Taokaenoi Land listen to him, and not to me. Of course kimchi flavored seaweed is spicy and delicious, but at what cost? I had to beat a hasty retreat, so I wasn’t able to take the best photo, but you can clearly see that the terrifying techniques involved in merging kimchi and seaweed have caused some scary side effects.
Look closely at the package. Don’t you see it? Don’t you see that the cabbage has become sentient? The cabbage is alive, people! Sure, all it’s doing right now is offering everyone a delicious bowl of kimchi. But that’s how it always starts. First the vegetables come to life, then they give you food, then they eat your brains. I told them this would be bad. I told them this would end in brain-eating. But they didn’t listen. They never listen. And now the cabbages are coming. The giant living cabbages are coming to eat our brains. I think…I think I hear one now. Oh god. Run. Run!