Well, it finally happened. The last product in the world that did not have a Hello Kitty variant has been kittyfied. The final obstacle to a completely Hello Kitty existence has been removed. It’s now possible to wake up in a Hello Kitty bed, pull down the Hello Kitty sheets, put on Hello Kitty clothes, grab a Hello Kitty bag (filled with Hello Kitty pencils and Hello Kitty books), get in the Hello Kitty car, and go to whichever Hello Kitty place you need go. You might go to Hello Kitty school, or your Hello Kitty job, or even Hello Kitty university (if you can pass the Hello Kitty admission test). If you’ve been good, you might get to go on a Hello Kitty vacation. If you’ve been bad, you might find yourself in Hello Kitty jail.
You can eat your Hello Kitty hamburgers with Hello Kitty fries, or maybe have a Hello Kitty salad if you’re feeling a bit bloated. But don’t worry about that too much, or else you might end up in the Hello Kitty eating disorder clinic. Be sure to feed your Hello Kitty cat and your Hello Kitty dog. If you’re into exotic pets and have pre-ordered the Hello Kitty snake, please allow four to six weeks for delivery.
And finally, as the crowning moment of the Hello Kitty experience, enjoy some Hello Kitty Roasted Seasoned Seaweed. The last vestige of non-Hello Kitty existence has been eliminated. My life is comp…your life…your life is now complete.