It has come to our attention that we at Armenian Fungus Cake might not be doing everything we can to keep our readers safe from the treacherous tyranny of strange snacks. We of course wish to state that we care deeply about the well-being of our fans and would hate to see any of them come to harm. As a result, we would like to take this opportunity to present a serious message about an item we told you about some time ago.
You might recall the story of Momordicae Grosvenori (also known as Fructus Momordicae) and the interdimensional incident that it caused. At the time, we did not explain the precautions that must be taken when dealing with this strange snack. Please take a moment to review the warnings stated below:
- Momordicae Grosvenori is NOT a snack. It must be cleaned and cooked thoroughly before consumption.
- Pieces of dried Momordicae Grosvenori can be sharp. Wear eye protection when handling the product in its dried form.
- Do NOT drive or operate heavy machinery after consuming Momordicae Grosvenori.
- If you have ever experienced unexplained dizziness, nocturnal overeating, or delusions of grandeur, you should NOT use Momordicae Grosvenori.
- In the event of spontaneous combustion, do NOT attempt to extinguish Momordicae Grosvenori. Seek shelter immediately and contact an appropriate specialist for further advice.
- Do NOT mix Momordicae Grosvenori with other household cleaners, including bleach.
- Momordicae Grosvenori is NOT suitable for consumption by chinchillas due to the potential for causing uncontrolled growth.
- Under normal circumstances, Momordicae Grosvenori will not achieve sentience. In the event that Momordicae Grosvenori begins showing signs of self-awareness, immediately clear mind of all unpleasant thoughts. Evacuate entire population of planet as soon as possible and conceal direction of escape to avoid being tracked by Momordicae Grosvenori.
- Do NOT allow Momordicae Grosvenori to become angry. Severe injury and/or property damage will result.
- Momordicae Grosvenori is NOT a substitute for qualified psychiatric treatment.
- If the effects of Momordicae Grosvenori last for more than four hours, seek medical attention immediately.
Thank you for taking the time to educate yourself about the serious dangers of Momordicae Grosvenori. We now return you to our normal comedic programming.